sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
