im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
