do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
