Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
