Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
