I faked an abortion last night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
