Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it glows. i had to have it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
