I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
