Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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