I think I died a long time ago.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
