Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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