I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Im part way to drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
