I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
