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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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• (555): View more from

  My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

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• (845): View more from New York

  3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm your Election Erection Connection

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars

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• (509): View more from Washington

  If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die

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• (305): View more from Florida

  The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more

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• (425): View more from Washington

  We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.

  Fav 0 11 36

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