All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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