margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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