Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
