I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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