i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
