If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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