Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
