its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
