why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
