my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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