Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no you cant smoke seaweed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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