there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
