We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
