I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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