I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
