remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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