So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
