you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
