He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
