i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
