if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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