So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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