OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i believe in u and ur pee
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
