i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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