every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
