there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
