Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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