Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
