i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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