Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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