that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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