I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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