Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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