I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
