In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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