got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
